Founder
I kept seeing the same problem. So I built something for it.
Household labor is rarely just about chores. There is also the work of noticing, remembering, planning, anticipating, delegating, following through, and keeping track of what a household needs. Nilea grew out of my interest in making that work easier to see and easier for couples to talk about.
What I was noticing
A lot of the work was happening before anyone did the task.
Couples can agree that something feels unfair while still struggling to name exactly where the imbalance is. The visible tasks are only part of the picture.
There is also the work of noticing what needs to happen, anticipating what comes next, planning, remembering, initiating, coordinating, and following through. When that labor becomes routine, assumed, or invisible, it can be hard to talk about it without the conversation turning into a list of chores.
I kept seeing this pattern. I wanted a way to help people see the whole thing more clearly.
From research to tool
I wanted a way to make the invisible easier to see.
The tool did not begin with a desire to build an app. It began with a question: How do you help people identify work that has become so routine, assumed, or invisible that they have difficulty talking about it?
My background as a researcher, educator, and therapist shaped how I approached that question. I was less interested in creating a score and more interested in creating a clearer picture: one that a couple could look at together and use as a starting point for a different kind of conversation.
Nilea uses structured assessment and reflection to help couples get a clearer picture of how household responsibilities and mental load are being carried. The goal is not to label someone as right or wrong. It is to make the pattern visible enough that you can work with it.
What Nilea looks at
More than who does the dishes.
Nilea considers the dimensions of household labor that often go uncounted:
- Who handles household responsibilities
- Who notices what needs to happen
- Who initiates and plans
- Who carries responsibility for follow-through
- How work is delegated or owned
- How couples experience fairness
- How conflict and repair happen around household work
- Whether each person has meaningful access to rest
Measurement is useful when it helps you have a better conversation.
The purpose of making household labor visible is not to produce a score for its own sake. It is to create a starting point: for conversation, for choices, for experimentation, and for renegotiation.
Understanding the pattern is useful because it gives you something concrete to work with. Once you can see how the work is being carried, you can ask different questions. What is changeable? What is not? What matters to each of you? What do you want to try next?
Why I built it
Therapist. Educator. Researcher. Founder.
Nilea reflects how I think across the different parts of my work: look beyond the obvious problem, make hidden structures visible, ask better questions, and create something people can actually use.
My experience in research, education, systemic thinking, and therapy all show up here. I am interested in the patterns underneath the conflict, the assumptions that have become invisible, and the questions that can help people see their options more clearly.
Building a tool was a way to work on a question that kept surfacing in my therapy practice and research. It is one expression of the same philosophy that runs through everything else I do.
See what Nilea is building.
Nilea has its own website where you can learn more about the tool and its current availability.